Andi travels to the Dominican Republic for the final episodes of this season. I must say that I am looking forward to this season being over. Andi has slowly but surely gotten on my nerves this season.
Like any good Bachelor//Bachelorette we see Andi in deep thought, writing in her polka-dotted journal, contemplating this difficult decision she has to make. My hope is that Andi's journal looks like this:
While talking about Josh, Andi describes herself as a "brat" and a "diva". I'm glad she's at least somewhat self-aware.
Andi talks about Josh and Chris while ABC kills time with relationship highlights. Then she talks about Sir-sulks-a-lot. She uses words like "sweet", "affectionate", "passionate", "smart", and of course talks about the infamous "mental connection". Her list of adjectives is quite different than mine.
Nick is up first. I hope this overnight date goes as poorly as Andi and Juan Pablo's. As usual, Sir-sulks-a-lot wants to tell Andi how much he loves her while looking at the camera with the expression of a kid whose dog just died.
They take a helicopter ride to a private island. I think I've seen this date 42 times on this show. Nick and Andi immediately frolic in the water. As we learned with JP and Clare, no good can come from such frolicking. Andi talks about how they have a strong physical chemistry, ewwww, but that there seems to be a lot that she doesn't know about him... such as, he appears to be a stalker who pouts all the time.
Sir-sulks-a-lot talks about how hard previous break-ups were for him, and that he didn't talk to anyone for 6 months after one of them. This is not helping his reputation as one who sulks... all the time.
The conversation gets incredibly awkward, because Nick becomes tongue tied and can't seem to tell her he loves her. It was painful to watch.
For dinner, Sir-sulks-a-lot wears a clown suit, complete with coral pants, and a V-neck shirt with light blue and neon yellow. As if the conversation couldn't get more unrealistic, Nick decides to pull out a fairy tale that he wrote for Andi. I'm sorry... but if any man would've done this for me, I'm pretty sure I would've laughed in his face. I mean really. This could not be more cheesy. Andi thinks it's "super-romantic" and has her plastered on clown face while he reads it to her. These two are a match made in clown heaven. I did enjoy one part of the book when he described himself as a "big baby". Well said.
I am a little disturbed that Nick finds it so difficult to say "I love you," that he has to write some ridiculous story. Let me help you out buddy.
1. Open your mouth.
2. Say, "I".
3. Say, "Love".
4. Say, "You".
They immediately decide to go to the fantasy suite so Sir-sulks-a-lot can "talk her ear off". Andi is one lucky lady. I can think of a million things I'd rather do than listen to Nick talk about himself for hours.
Sir-sulks-a-lot finally tells Andi that he loves her. The entire time, she had her frowny clown face on. Maybe they are perfect for each other....
I really don't know how you can be attracted to a guy in hot pink pants. I just don't.
Josh's date is up next. He shows up looking like Cody with his shirt unbuttoned down to his belly button. The guys on this show have some interesting wardrobe preferences.
The two of them tour the city. Poor Josh is sweating like a pig and probably wondering when they get to strip down and get in some water.
Ummm, Josh apparently is fluent in Spanish. Impressive. Where you at Nick?
Josh and Andi dance terribly in front of people, who are genetically inclined to dance well, and are probably uttering obscenities about Americans who think they can dance.
A date with Josh would not be complete without baseball and sports references. They play with some kids. It's cute. Andi is impressed. Yawn. Let's get on with this date.
Josh brings it right away and tells her he loves her. It's a little more believable from Josh versus Nick. Josh is giddy and smiley while Sir-sulks-a-lot looks like he is trying to cast an evil spell with his eyes.
What is with the mass of pigeons on this date? Nothing says romance like getting harassed by a flock of pigeons.
Time for dinner. They discuss family, kids, and the conversation is easy. Andi continues to question him, stereotype him, and doubt him. I really don't know how he's put up with this constant questioning from her. And where is this with Sir-sulks-a-lot? He has red flags shooting out his ears but she doesn't seem to see a one of them.
They walk to the fantasy suite and are surprised by fireworks. I love the normalcy on this show.
Josh and Andi seem as natural together as you can possibly be on this show.
Chris gets date #3 for this week. Andi is not sure if she's comfortable enough to spend the night with Chris. She prefers men who have the personality of a professional stalker.
The two of them go horseback riding, which is one of Andi's fears. I must say that I do enjoy that Andi is not afraid to face her fears or put herself in an awkward situation. The horse starts moving a little faster and she flips out. It's hilarious. It reminds me of myself on an airplane. Her words were "why is it trotting" while mine would be "why is the wing flapping" or "why aren't the engines loud anymore".
They have a picnic, and Andi tells Chris how much she loved his family. Good to hear. Now don't ruin it with this perfectly dimpled, white-toothed, rich farmer. They play hide-and-seek and he carries her around. However, Andi is still not sure she should have an overnight date with him. Did she fall and hit her head before this week? She'd rather spend the night with a man who lies to find out her hotel room number instead of a guy who is a homeowner, land owner, sweet, and incredibly easy on the eyes. I don't like where this is headed...
Can I just reiterate how much better Andi looks with her hair parted on the side versus the middle?
Andi expresses doubts again about her life in Iowa. She is afraid that what she saw in Iowa wouldn't be her everyday life. She starts rambling on and on and somehow reaches a flipping out point. Chris is clearly taken aback and doesn't know how to respond to her freak out. He says the sweetest things while she frowns the entire time. What is wrong with this girl?
Andi basically tells Chris she doesn't share the same feelings he has. For an attorney, she has a hard time getting to the point. "I'm an idiot." Direct quote from Andi. Could not agree more.
Chris responds with his typical wisdom and respect. All I can say is this guy had better be the next Bachelor.
I think the astonishing thing about this whole episode is that Nick has made it farther than Chris. I can't think of one positive characteristic to say about Sir-sulks-a-lot and yet I can't think of one flaw to say about Chris. Andi... your IQ isn't looking to good here.
Oh goody... a sit down with Andi and Chris Harrison. Let's inflate our egos for a while.
Chris Harrison is getting his workout in walking Nick and Josh down a mile long walk to the shore for the rose ceremony. Andi still feels the need for a rose ceremony.
If she picks Sir-sulks-a-lot, I just might break a television. I'm hoping her pops treats him the same way he treated Juan Pablo.