learn me

My teacher learned me.

If only I had a dollar every time I heard that at school. And, if only I could teach my first graders some grammar.

I have learned me several things in the past few days.

1. Target is not good for the budget.
2. I am not smarter than a Keurig. So sad.
3. Shape-wear is an excellent way to reduce flab. Especially in a bridesmaid dress.
4. "Teaching" students the week before Christmas break gives me another job title... zookeeper.
5. When someone in front of spends over $20 at T-bell, drive away. It will take forever.
6. It is literally impossible to lose weight around the holidays. 
7. Men do not like Hallmark movies. 
8. Men are born with the inability to fold anything. 
9. Watching a male cashier fold ladies undergarments = amazing.
10. I smell terrible after working out. Enough said.
11. The world is going to see the most genetically-inclined-for-good-looks baby next year when Channing Tatum becomes a dad. 

Amen.

And parents, when you get your 'present' from your first-grader please keep this in mind.

Now if I can make it through the next 3 days with my sanity intact, all will be well.